Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
