If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
