So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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