I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
