just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
