nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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