Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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