i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
