at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
