well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
