Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
