Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
