got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
