girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
