Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just cut my nipple shaving
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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