Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
