He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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