I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i barfeds in our rink
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
