a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
