i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
