Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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