We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
