remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
