You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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