party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
