sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
