im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
