just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I cut my penus on the lid.
vagina is talking i cant
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
