Just cropdusted the office
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize