You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
