Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
