I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
