we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
