The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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