He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Drunk is a universal language darling
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize