I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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