Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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