i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
