So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
