Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
