the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
