Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
