Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
