Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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