I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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