I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
