If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
