i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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