You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
