Pappa wants mamma naked
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
