i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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