The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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